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Simitra

[ website | Liquid Silence ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

HAHAHA..ha...ha... [01 Jan 2003|06:49pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Gues what I got x3
one of those Lj clients...LochJournal to be precise
Amusing self with all these settings @.@


and yes..Rhi rocks and gave meh a Lj code..so I haff a new Lj..woo...I have to make a layout for it tonight x.X

Whisper to the Flesh

[01 Jan 2003|01:42am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

3 full shots of Peach Schnapps
Half a 'malt beverage' that's supposed to taste like rum&coke

amazingly..just a buzz...somehow I feel cheated


You cant see me,
Because Im never really here.

2 stitches -|- Whisper to the Flesh

[30 Dec 2002|01:31pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

lets see...I had this lil genius plan..sleep all last night/yesterday so Id wake up today at a decent fucking time, all refreshed like..what happens? Ryan wakes me up at 6pm and demands that I get up. So I do..being the easily manipulated thing I am. soo...since I had slept all day naturally I STAY up all night...go to sleep at 6amish....I get 6 hours of sleep...which is constantly inturrupted by lil self rightious Ryan saying that I should get up, that I let Keven overrun the house..and that basically Im a fuckin pig(not exact words..but essentially..rarh) AND he's like this every single time I see him..constantly accusing me that I dont do this or that right...what I really hate is that half the time when he comes I sleep in JUST because I can...normally I have to wake up fucking early and get basically no sleep. This is supposed to be MY vacation too! v.v

-dies-

and yes..there is talk of him coming down to Az. to live with us. Someone just fucking shoot me now..please..

Whisper to the Flesh

[26 Dec 2002|12:18am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Heh..I dont like myself..who I am...who I 'could' be..and quite frankly Im not sure I like the idea of being alive to see myself in a few years. Maybe Im just super depressed as I type this..but still..Im thinking these thoughts...just as valid as non-depressed ones.

o.O Im tempted to make a lil list of crap I got..but Im sure Id just get depressed even more
sooo...

Things of note:
-Scanner...woo!
-speakers, though now I need a new soundcard prolly
-keyboard...so silent x3
-clothes that dont fit/arent comfy...aka I wont ever wear
-a "Love and Success Spells" book..I think she was thinking more for herself when she got that
-brother managed to randomly pick the book I wanted most for my lil M. Lackey collection...magical! and he included a book-light for latenight reading...he knows me well for an arse who doesnt seem to care half the time
-random trinkets Ill never use

Things I wanted most were "The Valdemar Companion" and a tablet set..both of which mom has promised meh......the wost thing was meh and Ryan got the least prezzies...Bodge got..err..about 500-600$ish worth of crap..and meh...just let myself believe mom had gotten meh those two things...fuckin bleh.


Mehness, somehow my thoughts have been shifting to suicide..and how maybe slitting my wrists and just falling asleep wouldnt be that bad...but of course..I cant kill myself..so dont you all even dare worrying your pretty little heads about that v.v;

Nights seem empty without Lisa...kinda appalling how stupidly I miss her. Ive talked to her almost every fucking day for over the past two months...and its not just the routine of being able to come online and know she's there and quite willing to talk to meh..Grarrgg...miss Lisa'ness..Ive barely fuckin gone on UO since she left...so I suppose she'll be dissapointed when I dont report how high my necro is getting....

bleh bleh bleh...seems like all my irl friends have forgotten meh..but I think thats mainly the fact that I WAY THE FUCK out here in Arizona..but still...I have no phone...none of them even attempt to talk to meh on aim...except Morgan...and Ty has made a few vague attempts at conversation...and Hop tried sending letters -shakes fist at the post office-

Ookay..Ill shut up now x.X

2 stitches -|- Whisper to the Flesh

[25 Dec 2002|01:44am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Christmas sucks...this all is just another reason to cry.

Fuck life.

2 stitches -|- Whisper to the Flesh

[23 Dec 2002|12:25am]
You%20are%20burning
What Self-Mutilation Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla


Well..thats interesting o.X
Whisper to the Flesh

[22 Dec 2002|03:33am]
[ mood | content ]

Ima Prune! -Nods and wiggles toes- I jus took a long arse bath...and I brought a book :x I read aboot 100 pages...

I think Ill sleep now..or read a tad more..depands on if my room stays this cold..rarh..damn broke heater >.>

Whisper to the Flesh

[19 Dec 2002|06:58pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I'm a Heretic!



Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?


Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons




....woo? -coughs and falls over-
Whisper to the Flesh

[15 Dec 2002|12:36am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Jesus fuck..Ive been REALLY anti-social lately..its to the point that Ive been all avoidy with everyone.

bleh....makes me think of how the world would go on without me...so whats the point of living?

I have no point. I never do.



and yes Lisa, I got yer card -snugs-

3 stitches -|- Whisper to the Flesh

randomness [11 Dec 2002|10:59pm]
[ mood | eh.. ]

Right now I could care less aboy anything..my fingers are cold and going numb. I rped for the first time on neo in like a whole three months. My plans for tonight? go snuggle with my puppy and...well..thats it....woo

>.>

Whisper to the Flesh

[06 Dec 2002|03:16pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

.-.

life is damned annoying..I want Kale online..I need someone to snuggle and such.

feels like someone is driving a spike through my right temple..why dont we have any asprin?!

3 stitches -|- Whisper to the Flesh

[06 Dec 2002|08:11am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I want to FUCKING quit EM......only reason why I dont is to see if the crap they're putting in will even fucking work...yepp....I also have idiotic thoughts of starting my own shard with Kale..but that'll never happen...so Im not even gonna think about that.

-.-;

I still feel like hurting people..yeppers...today is utter crap

Whisper to the Flesh

[04 Dec 2002|03:33am]

What kind of Goth would you be?

brought to you by Quizilla


...woo..if only I was brave enuff to mess with my hair more xD
Whisper to the Flesh

[03 Dec 2002|09:37pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I got pissed at people in IRC this morning...and I tried to sleep..couldnt...came back to the comp and Kale wasnt answering meh on aim...so I just shut off the comp and slept all day.

Im not proud of the fucking pictures Ive been doing..and when Lisa says I draw better than her its just like someone twisting the knife embeded in my heart.

Bah...Lisa..Im sorreh for being a bitch..right now I wanna slit Teos' throat then gnaw on his soul some. Mostly everyone in the IRC makes me feel like utter crap..and I dont even know them. And to make fucking matters worse mom has NO money..so I cant buy Kale what I want to.

-.-;

I need to hurt someone...really bad....

1 stitch -|- Whisper to the Flesh

[24 Nov 2002|04:16am]
Do you even realize how much Im fucking dreading hearing the dissapointmesnt in my dad's voice..it makes me cry and hyperventilate uncontrolibley when I even think about it for more that a few seconds
Whisper to the Flesh

[24 Nov 2002|04:02am]
[ mood | deathly ]

Been thinking about death all day..then on UO I die twice in a row..so that kinda triggers a fucking crappy mood..which in turn returns my thoughts to suicide..and thus we have a suicidal Rhexy..and yes, I was already suicidal..cuz Im damned good at hiding it from most people, sometimes I trick myself

Bah..any way...I cried a bit after logging off IRC..then came back on..realized no one gave a shit I left so I continued to cry cuz I knew no one would even talk to me anyway. Im stll all teary eyed wanting to hurt something...fucking woo

I came two thoughts away from quiting UO and all kindsa stupid crap I do online...but..I have no fucking life...yep...no fucking life


-goes back to crying-

1 stitch -|- Whisper to the Flesh

[20 Nov 2002|03:08am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Im so numb...and tired of the day to day life. Mom stayed home and tried to work on her body butters..Kev and Bodge fought all day..so mom FINALLY understands how stressful my days can be..I dont get why this didnt happen sooner..but Im glad it happened in a way.

What I find odd is that Lisa has been more constant in my life than most of my irl friends at times

-sigh- I dunno..I think I just need more people who are willing to unconditionally love meh..I mean..how can they resist meh? -mrews-

-flops over- I was so proud of myself the other day when I altered a corset-thing Jen gave me..to fit meh instead of her...and yeh...


I just want to fade away v.v

5 stitches -|- Whisper to the Flesh

[12 Nov 2002|10:59am]
[ mood | hungry ]

Ive been having a lot of weird dreams of late. The other night was te one with Dev and Lisa..then last night had Jen, Hop, Mitch and all sorts of Pacifica people in it. x.x

UO is incredibley addicting..my attention span on other things is fading.....and mom hasnt gone on a big food shopping spree in like two weeks, so all thats in the house is stuff I didnt want to eat these past two weeks...so Ill prolly be forced to eat some crappy soup because my stomach is hating me for not giving it things.

mom: "What am I gonna do? I need to get out of this job"
me: "You could be a waitress again"
mom: "Oh gods, shut up"

So yeh..mom's boss is bein a big ol' bitch and we both think that Pam's just trying to get rid of mom...which is succeeding....woo...mom might stay home all day and make soap..thus I could escape to Pacifica and such shiet


>.> Im feeling slightly moody, but thats from not eating since last night..and the headachey light headedness that I feel as a result. I just feel like curling up on the couch with someone and snugglin while watchin t.v.

1 stitch -|- Whisper to the Flesh

[04 Nov 2002|10:16pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I am full of hate. I dont wanna live anymore..simple as that.

I hate males a lot right now..yep...asshole males..hate

Just for the sake of being depressing - "the pain is still here and licking its lips in anticapation of the feast to come, I will endure for now but I dont know how much more I can withstand"


Pained Fate: According to my book, some of your negative traits are sudden mood changes that promote some unreliable traits of character and a reluctance to forgive and forget. o_O
xRhexisx: >.>; yep...basically Im an unforgiving vengeful bitch o.o
Pained Fate: xD +Snickers and gives her a doggie treat.+
Pained Fate: "Willow tree people are incredibly difficult to get to know because there is a kind of veil over their personality and character that hides a great deal. Therefore their sense of humor is not easy to define, and could be either totally lacking on occasions or be extremely well directed. They have a potential wisdom that makes them wise counselors and, if this aspect of character is fully operative, they make the most valued members of society." o___o
xRhexisx: o.O; that boot meh?
Pained Fate: Mhmm
xRhexisx: >.> Im not fully operational...woo
Pained Fate: xD
Pained Fate: "Willow tree characters are wise parents, and their instinctive maternal nature has a powerful influence generally, being both protective and resourceful." xD
xRhexisx: I hate how books like that can be oddly so right x.X;
Pained Fate: e.e I know, it's scary.

Whisper to the Flesh

[31 Oct 2002|11:58pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I hate my emotions..yep..being here isnt good for the Lacey

-twitch-

Why the fuck do people have all this confidence in my art and such? Jen thinks I could get into art college, mom thinks I could get a job..rah..

And I know my dad loves me, but dammit I wish he didnt exist right now so I wouldnt have to think about telling him I dropped out..hes gonna be all dissapointed and ask why.....and Im not to confident in my reasoning to get through a grilling by him

Rawh..Im just gonna play UO and pretend I dont exist for a while


Dammit..my stupid arse life will go on, Ill survive yada yada >.> Im too weak to kill myself..or is it the other way? not weak enough? ....anywho...o.O; Im getting marginally better at profiles, I wish I could scan some shiet and show ya'll

o.x

Whisper to the Flesh

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